Change of Expectation
A quality that I usually call a gift and a curse is my level of compassion. Many would disagree and say that my demeanor displays the opposite of that, well you just don't know me that well. One of the biggest things I struggle with is with my expectations. I am sure you are reading this and going where exactly is she going with this but I promise i will bring it together.
I care too much. You could be a complete stranger and I will sympathize with you as if I've known you for several years. It is who I am and something that my parents enstilled in me as I grew up. People would argue against this and I will admit why. I am incredibly selective of who I interact with. As I said before, you could be a stranger and I will be friendly because your vibe is just awesome. I vibe with people who I feel are genuinely good people. I could know you less than a month and want to be there for you every step of the way because that's just how I would want to be treated. Kindness is a simple way of telling another struggling soul that there is love to be found in this world.
BUT my expectations are my biggest downfall. After ending my last relationship, I sought support from my friends. As damaging as it was I was expectant of friends to be there for me during my darkest moments. This wasn't the case and I spent the months to follow alone and trying to figure out where I was going. I began to question myself and what I did wrong. Did I wrong them? Are they mad that I didn't text them back? Are they mad I sent their calls to voicemail? Are they mad I didn't like their new photo on Instagram where they look completely opposite or how I am feeling right now? . I tried to pin point why my friends were not acting the way I was expecting them to. I was a great friend, I was a great listener... why haven't I gotten a are you okay text from anyone? . Let's fast forward to now, a year later and still asking the questions. I realized that my expectations were too high and I was set on trying to get my friends to think, act and feel like me. When you realize that someone isn't sharing the same level of compassion with you, it's time to move on.
This has made it's way into my love life. While friends continuously badger me about getting back into dating, I struggle with expectations. I spent eight years in a relationship with everything I said I would never want, so how would I manage my expectations today? Do I know what I want? Am I ready? Do I sound crazy right now? I struggle with this especially when I am dealing with someone who challenges the hell out of me but I am sitting in that grey area with no clear indication of where things are going. Your everyday interactions being a hit or miss and you are left thinking is today going to be that one day that may be a good day and the next... well not so much. I don't have all the answers and I wish I could tell you how to manage a situation similar to mine because I am trying to figure it out as I go. This happens to those who are married and are mothers as well... considering I am neither I can't speak on how that feels.
My point in all this is that a change in expectations is a must. People change, life changes but it's up to you to control your expectations. We may not get everything we want and we will definitely experience those moments where you are wishing things change but they don't . Sometimes you get to the point that you no longer care if there's a light at the end of the tunnel or not, you are just sick of being in that tunnel.
William Shakespeare once said "Expectation is the root of all heartache" . It is important to see things for what they are and not what they should be.
Let go and live BOLDLY!